Star Trek Voyager: Where Did Everybody Go?
by MBLAST
Summary: Janeway tries to trade the warp core for coffee! The conference room door is too low! Tuvok's medication is not working! Monkeys smokings cigars! Crew are disapearing, and a purple menace looms over Tuvock! Hilarity insures!
1. Chapter 1 The Saga Begins

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Where Did Everybody Go?  
  
Stardate 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10 "We have encountered yet another alien species that's only difference from us, is a forehead ridge. This is beginning to get annoying. They want to trade a few pounds of coffee beans and 2 potholders for our warp core, which seems like a fair deal to me. I have called a staff meeting for the senior crew. I can just keep the rest of the vrew in the dark. Besides, I don't even think they will notice if the warp core is missing.  
  
Meeting Room Place  
  
Janeway: I am going to make this straight and to the point. I am trading our warp core for a few pounds of coffee, and 2 potholders.  
  
Harry: But capta-  
  
Tuvok: -Nasal voice- Coffee, coffee, coffee!  
  
Janeway: Tom, have you given him his medication yet?  
  
Tom: Yes, I have, I've been wondering what his problem is. He usually calms down right after it.  
  
Chakotay: I shall consult my animal spirit on this matter. -Gets in to yoga position-  
  
Chakotay: Ummmmmm! Ummmmmmm! Ummmmmm! Ummmmmmm!  
  
Janeway: He should be done in a little while, now, back to the subject of the coffee.  
  
Harry: Captain, may I-  
  
B'lanna: Captain, not everyone likes coffee, and there won't be enough to go around, why, that few pounds of coffee would only last a couple of seconds.  
  
Janeway: Still, I need my coffee! This replicator stuff is awful! It tastes like those grubs I was addicted to in 3rd grade.  
  
Tuvok: Zoink! Twang!  
  
Janeway: Tuvok, I couldn't agree more! We'll trade the core! Meeting dismissed.  
  
The group gets up and leaves, each one of them banging their heads on the top of the doorframe as they go out. They walk on to the bridge, which is decorated in the colors of the rainbow.  
  
Janeway: Tuvok has been finger-painting again.  
  
Tuvok: Birdie! Braaap!  
  
Doctor: I'll go check his medication. Some prankster may have put some laxatives in it again.  
  
Tuvok: Poopie! Ouch!  
  
1 hour later.  
  
Bridge  
  
Tuvok: Uh-oh! Wee-wee! He-he-he-he!  
  
Janeway: Mr.Kim, get out the mop again.  
  
Harry: Uh. Well, you see. Um. I'm, I'm picking up something! Yeah! That's it! -Starts stabbing random buttons-  
  
Computer: Warning, warp core overload in progress, eject warp core.  
  
Janeway: Holy jumping chocolate covered coffee beans! The forehead ridges must be trying to get us to eject the warp core so they can steal it! Tuvok! Fire photon torpedoes at their ship! Full spread!  
  
Tuvok: Pretty colors.  
  
Outside view  
  
Voyager fires its torpedoes at the enemy ship. They get closer and closer, the aliens watch in horror as the signs that say things like, "Say it, don't spray it!" and "Work at home! 1-800-IGYP-EDU" The film slows down as they get close.  
  
Aliens: Nnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!  
  
Since the film is going so slowly, the torpedoes don't detonate when they hit the ship, they just bounce off. Film speed normal.  
  
Janeway: They must have some kind of advanced armor! Our torpedoes just bounce right off!  
  
Harry: Captain, we are being hailed!  
  
Janeway: -Mr.Kim, it can not 'hail' in outer space!  
  
Harry: No, captain. It means that we are receiving a live chat invitation with the other ship.  
  
Janeway: Ohhh! So THAT'S what that word means! -Looks at screen- I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION!  
  
The screen comes on, to show an alien with a forehead ridge  
  
Alien: Captainth Janewayth, andth theth crewth ofth theth starshipth Voyagerth!  
  
Tuvok: Funny man!  
  
Alien: Preapreth toth beth destroyedth!  
  
Janeway: ... Huh?  
  
Alien: Preapreth toth beth destroyedth!  
  
Janeway: ... Huh?  
  
Alien: Preapreth toth- ah, what the heck. We are going to fire upon you madam, I suggest that you consider your situation and surrender.  
  
Janeway: Never! I will defend my coffe- this ship with my life!  
  
The alien ship opens an inch long hatch up on top, and a weapon telescopes out to around a few thousand feet, getting larger as it goes.  
  
Janeway: What is it.. I've seen it before. Somewhere..  
  
Tom: Its.  
  
Harry: Its.  
  
Everyone on bridge: Its.  
  
Tuvok: Ants burn!  
  
Bridge: GASP!  
  
Janeway: It's a magnifying glass!  
  
What will happen to the crew of the starship Voyager? Will they be able to escape the Magnifying glass? How much coffee has Janeway had? Will Chakotay every get finished talking with his animal spirit? Do monkeys marry? All of these answers on the next, Star Trek Voyager! 


	2. Chapter 2 The Events are Unfolded and Hu...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Where Did Everybody Go?  
  
Janeway: It's a magnifying glass!  
  
Bridge Crew: NOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
The giant weapon moves into position between Voyager, and a star. The glass starts to focus of Voyagers toiletry facilities.  
  
Harry: Captain, deck breach in progress of level X!  
  
Everyone: LEVEL X????  
  
Janeway: .. The toilet waste storage.  
  
Brownish-greenish gloop splashes out of Voyager and covers the other ship, causing it to instantly disintegrate. The mass then moves on, out of sight.  
  
Janeway: . Well, now we know that Tuvok had some laxatives in his medicine!  
  
Tuvok: Ouchy!  
  
Janeway: Now, that's done with. Janeway to the Doctor! We have proof that Tuvoks medicine was tampered with!  
  
.....  
  
Janeway: Doctor?  
  
....  
  
Janeway: He must be singing again, and can't hear me..  
  
Sick Bay  
  
A red shirt enters the sick bay, which has its lights off.  
  
Red Shirt: Now, before you say I-... Hello?  
  
Console: -Beep!-  
  
Red Shirt: Huh? What's thi-  
  
Bridge  
  
Janeway: Tuvok! Go down and get the doctor to give you your medicine again!  
  
Tuvok: Awwwww. Mean man!  
  
Janeway: You want a whippin' boy?  
  
Tuvok: Yikes! -Scampers off-  
  
Tom: Way to tell him off ma'am!  
  
Janeway: Back to your station!  
  
Turbolift  
  
Tuvok: Mr. Puter! Doctors house!  
  
Computer: Command not recognized  
  
Tuvok: Mr. Puter? Doctors house!  
  
Computer: Command not recognized  
  
Tuvok: Don't be mean! Barney doesn't like it when we're mean!  
  
Captains Quarters  
  
Janeway: Ahhh. -Sips a cup of coffee out of her "Voyager Navigation Team" mug-  
  
Janeway: Nothing like a big mug of coffee after a stressful day! It makes me se relaxed. It makes me feel. So. Tired. SNNNNXXXXXX!  
  
Janeway: SNNNNXXXXXXX!  
  
Janeway: SNNNNXXXXXXX!  
  
Computer: Captain, report to the bridge  
  
Janeway: SNNX- Huh? What?  
  
Computer: Captain, report to the bridge  
  
Janeway: Right, right. -Shoots it with her phaser pistol-  
  
Computer: Zuurgghhh. Slaammooo. Urruucckkk..  
  
Janeway: Heck, it sure beats listening to those annoying 'Ocean Waves' sounds!  
  
Bridge  
  
Harry: She isn't answering my hails. Something must be wrong! I'm going down there to check it out.  
  
Red Shirt: Harry, remember what happened last time you left your post?  
  
Harry: I... Died.. So what?  
  
Red Shirt: We don't want you to die too many times, let me go.  
  
Harry: But I am immortal, so I should do it!  
  
Red Shirt: Nonsense! Let me go!  
  
Harry: No, my brave ensign you shalt not go!  
  
Red Shirt: Whats going to stop me?  
  
Red Shirts console explodes, and he falls over dead  
  
Harry: -Sigh- Looks like I'll have to make a few more red shirts on the replicator.  
  
Harry walks over to the turbolift  
  
Harry: Computer, docking bay of unlimited resources!  
  
Computer: -Sounding annoyed- Affirmative, wimp!  
  
Harry: -Snivel-  
  
Docking bay of unlimited resources, which happens to be Seven's regeneration chamber.  
  
Harry: Hello Seven.  
  
Seven: Yo-yo-yo! What is UP my dog?  
  
Harry: Uh.. Seven? This isn't another one of the doctors social training methods is it?  
  
Sven: Yo-yo-yo, my dog! I, like, downloaded a buncha info from to computo, and now its telling me what to do o!  
  
Harry: -Sigh- Why can't you stay out of the computer Seven?  
  
Seven: Yo-yo-yo! You gonna' help me out of this mess, Miss Hess?  
  
Harry: Of course, how could I stand you talking like that?  
  
Seven: Word  
  
They get to work.  
  
The bridge, which happens to have only 1 senior staff member on it.  
  
Tom: Oh, this is soooooo boring! I need to play some Captain Poopon to loosen up!  
  
Red Shirt: Well, I just got a copy of Star Trek: Bridge Commander XXXIII on the computer, want to play a few games?  
  
Tom: Sure, why not?  
  
Suddenly, the power is cut from the bridge, not even the emergency lights are working.  
  
Tom: ..  
  
Red Shirts: ...  
  
Tom: Cool, something finally happe-  
  
Red Shirt: Tom? Whats going on? Is this one of your-  
  
Red Shirt: Larry? Moe? Are you still here too?  
  
...  
  
Red Shirt: Gulp! Ensign Curly to Captain Jan-  
  
Silence.  
  
What is happening on the starship Voyager? Why does everything have to be dark to happen? Why not light? Will Neelix throw a party when they find out the Doctor is gone? How did Janeway fall asleep with all that coffee she had? Have we found out if monkeys marry yet? Should we have monkeys smoking cigars in the next episode? Find out next time on, Star Trek: Voyager! 


	3. Chapter 3 Things Get A Little Bit Seriou...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Where Did Everybody Go?  
  
Red Shirt: Gulp! Ensign Curly to Captain Jan-  
  
Silence.  
  
Janeway's Quarters.  
  
Janeway: SNNNNXXXXX!  
  
Janeway: SNNNxxx-Up! Gugh! Wha?  
  
Janeway: Computer, how long have I been asleep?  
  
Computer: Glorpughrrgh!  
  
Janeway: Oh, right.  
  
Janeway: Janeway to Torres! Get over here to my quarters and fix my computer speaker!  
  
B'Lanna: Captain! I've been trying to page you, but you won't answer!  
  
Janeway: Why do you think I need you to repair my speaker  
  
B'Lanna: But, I was using my com badge!  
  
Janeway: How did a twerp like you ever get to be chief engineer?  
  
B'Lanna: You appointed me.  
  
Janeway: Oh, right.  
  
B'Lanna: Anyway, we have been having total power outages all over the ship! Its as if the pathways were suddenly cut!  
  
Janeway: Well, as longs as it not-  
  
The power goes out in her quarters.  
  
Janeway: Shoot. Torres, come here and-  
  
Engineering.  
  
B'Lanna: Captain? Captain? Are you still there?  
  
Silence.  
  
B'Lanna: This is not good.  
  
Docking bay of unlimited resources.  
  
Harry: Ok Seven, that should do it.  
  
Seven: Thank you, Mr. Kim  
  
Harry: No problem, just call me if you need me again, hint, hint!  
  
Seven: I fail to see why your sentences includes those unexplainable useless words.  
  
Harry: Sigh.  
  
Some hallway that leads to the bridge.  
  
B'Lanna: I have to find out what happened to the captain!  
  
Suddenly, the hallway goes dark.  
  
B'Lanna: No problem, flashlight!  
  
Q Contimuim.  
  
Q: Well, it seems that these humans should be given a little bit of credit, one of them actually though to use a flashlight!  
  
Q: -Burp-, what did you say?  
  
Q: Naaarf.  
  
Q: I thought so.  
  
Darkened hallway.  
  
B'Lanna: This is interesting.  
  
She bends down to examine the wall. It appears that something is moving inside of it, causing it to bend in an un-natural way.  
  
B'Lanna: B'Lanna to. Chakotay, intruder alert!  
  
Silence.  
  
B'Lanna: Oh, no! Not Chakotay!!  
  
Meeting room.  
  
Chakotay: Ummmmmm! Ummmmmm! Ummmmmm! Ummm- There finished!  
  
Chakotay: Well, that was an insightful experience, but I wonder what he meant when he said, "Watch your back?"  
  
Suddenly, the lights go out.  
  
Chakotay: Huh? Whats happeni-  
  
Hallway.  
  
B'Lanna: There's nothing I can do to stop this alone, I need the engineering team!  
  
Engineering.  
  
Red Shirt: Hey! I'm detecting a strange reading coming from the warp core!  
  
Red Shirt 2: Well, I would expect your console would explode then.  
  
Red Shirt: Yeah.  
  
His console explodes.  
  
B'Lanna walk in at that moment.  
  
B'Lanna: Engineering team! Group meeting over here!  
  
One red shirt walk over.  
  
B'Lanna: Don't tell me they were all killed again.  
  
Red Shirt: Yep! Its just you and me now! -Strikes a macho pose-  
  
B'Lanna: -Random klingon curse-  
  
Suddenly, the lights go out in engineering, but the warp core remains on.  
  
B'Lanna: That's odd, why would the warp core still be functioning?  
  
Red Shirt: Maybe becau-  
  
B'Lanna: Red shirt? Red shirt? Uh-oh.  
  
B'Lanna: MOMMY!!! HELP MEEE-  
  
Hallway.  
  
Harry and Seven are walking to Astrometrics.  
  
Harry: So. Seven. Seeing anyone lately?  
  
Seven: I have seen most of the crew 'lately'  
  
Harry: That's not what I meant Seven.  
  
Seven: Elaborate  
  
Harry: Have you been going on any. Dates?  
  
Seven: Elaborate  
  
Harry: You know. A. Romantic interest event?  
  
Seven: Yes, as I matter of fact, I have.  
  
Harry: Oh.. Ok..  
  
Seven: Why did you desire this information?  
  
Harry: Oh. No rea-  
  
The lights go out.  
  
Harry: (YES! YESSS!)  
  
Seven: I know what you are thinking Mr. Kim.  
  
Harry: .. You do?  
  
Seven: Yes, you are wondering if this was my doing, in an attempt to avoid a conversation  
  
Harry: Uh. Nope.  
  
Seven: Do not deny it. You do not like me..  
  
Harry: No Seven! That's entirely the opp-  
  
Seven: Ensign? State your position!  
  
Silence.  
  
Seven: If you do not-  
  
Space, you see a view of the starship Voyager, which engines suddenly stop. The lights on all decks, which are the ones that are still on, suddenly turn off in a single moment. Except for one. On level X.  
  
A toilet door, a flushing sound is heard.  
  
The door opens to reveal.  
  
Neelix: Whew! That was a long and hard one! It lasted that entire day!  
  
Neelix: I wonder why the sanitation dispenser wasn't working? Oh well, I'm sure it won't effect the food any.  
  
Suddenly, the lights go out.  
  
Neelix: I feel like I have to go again. Where is that door to th-  
  
The film suddenly stops.  
  
Writer's Conscience: Wait a minute. Neelix only got a few seconds on there! If you have really been a good plot developer, you would have come up with some other excuse, other then he had been on the toilet all day.  
  
Writer: Shut up! I needed some way to make the crew disappear, and plus, I'm tied! Its 1:00 in the morning! So why don't you go to sleep, and let me finish this!  
  
Writer's Conscience: Whatever.  
  
Writer: And don't snore!  
  
The film resumes.  
  
We see the starship Voyager drifting through space. Alien starships dodge it, as it drifts in to another lane. Eventually, a towship comes and drags it off to a demon class planet, and parks it in orbit around it, while placing a "You have been towed by Larry's Towing Service! Thank you for breaking down!" sticker on the side.  
  
We see Voyager remaining dark and silent as it orbits slowly.  
  
But a dim lights moves through one of the viewports.  
  
And monkeys don't marry.  
  
Spooky! Why is there more plot, and less humor in this chapter? What is this word coming to? Did Neelix get laxatives too? Why is the crew disapeearing? Will we EVER see monkeys smoking cigars?  
  
Find out in the next chapter of Star Trek: Voyager! 


	4. Chapter 4 Big, Purple, Terrible, Plot Tw...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Where Did Everybody Go?  
  
We see Voyager remaining dark and silent as it orbits slowly.  
  
But a dim lights moves through one of the viewports.  
  
Jeffrey's Tube  
  
Tuvock: Why is it so dawwwwk? I'm scared!  
  
Tuvock shines the flashlight up ahead of him, as he crawls down the tube.  
  
Tuvock: It's the monsters! I know it! Mrs. Captain doesn't believe me, but she has to believe me now!  
  
Suddenly, bolts of electricity shoots out of his flashlight, and connects with a nearby panel.  
  
Tuvock: Ouchy!  
  
Tuvock is knocked backwards, and hits his head on the bulkhead.  
  
Tuvock: Ughhhh. Hello? Is anyone presents in this tube?  
  
Tuvock: What has happened? The last thing I remember was taking my medication.  
  
Tuvock: I must get to the bridge!  
  
Tuvock crawls heroically off towards the bridge, as a military drumbeat plays.  
  
Q: Oh, please! That was the worst excuse for a plot twist there ever was! Let me handle this!  
  
Tuvock's beam ignites some gas that was leaking from a nearby pipe. The gas explodes, and he is knocked back against the bulkhead, where he bangs his head against it.  
  
Writer: Oh, please! That wasn't any better!  
  
Q: Shut your hole!  
  
Bridge  
  
A panel drops out from the side of the bridge. Tuvok crawls out of it, and shines the flashlight around.  
  
Tuvock: I can access the controls to the ship from here. Why am I talking to my self?  
  
Tuvock starts to walk over to the panel, but suddenly, a flash of purple skims the edge of his beam of light.  
  
Tuvock: Hello? State your intentions!  
  
A large purple form steps in to the middle of the beam.  
  
Tuvock: It is you.  
  
?????: We meet at last.  
  
Tuvock: Barney..  
  
The lights come on in the bridge.  
  
7 feet tall, purple all over, except for a few green spots on his back, Barney the purple dinosaur. Wanted in the entire galaxy for child slaughter.  
  
Barney: This ship was an easy one to subdue. I must say, as chief security officer, you have trained your team poorly. I was almost disappointed at the lack of challenge!  
  
Tuvock: You may find me to be a formidable adversary  
  
Barney: Hmmmm. I think not. I will take you down un-armed.  
  
He tosses away his Photon Torpedo Launcher.  
  
Tuvock: -Gulp-  
  
Barney: Bring it on..  
  
Tuvock launches himself in a flying kick towards Barney, and a little Matrix spin around is done just before he connects. With thin air.  
  
Tuvock: Huh?  
  
Barney has suddenly appeared behind him, and gives him a great big "I Love You" hug. Crushing Tuvock's rib cage.  
  
Tuvock: Ugh..  
  
Barney: See? Piece of cake!  
  
Tuvock: You. May have. Triumphed over. Me this round. But.  
  
Tuvock holds out a phaser pistol.  
  
Tuvock: Dodge this!  
  
Barney: Didn't see THAT coming!  
  
Tuvock shoots Barney, and the dinosaur collapses to the floor with a loud fart.  
  
Tuvock: Now. Ugh. What?  
  
Barney's body starts to glow white. The bridge is filled with a rushing sound, like wind. There is a bright flash of light, and time is turned back to the day before. In the conference room.  
  
Tuvock: (Barney must have used the last of his power, to create a time warp, and turn back time, so that the shooting never occurred.)  
  
Janeway: I am going to make this straight and to the point. I am trading our warp core for a few pounds of coffee, and 2 potholders.  
  
Harry: Bi-  
  
Tuvock: Captain, I believe the entity known as "Barney the Big Purple Dinosaur" has somehow, infiltrated on to our ship.  
  
Janeway: Don't interrupt me Tuvock! As I was saying.  
  
Tuvock: (It is obvious that I will gain little assistance from this crew. I must hunt down Barney alone.)  
  
Tuvock gets up and leaves the meeting. Bonking his head on the top of the door as he leaves.  
  
Tom: How rude!  
  
Janeway: Shut your pie hole!  
  
Oh dear! More and more plot! Will Tuvock ever stop Barney? Will the crew ever listen to him? Why didn't he change back into un-mature Tuvock when time was turned back? Why is the writer an idiot, with a hole in his head that says "Good Plots Welcome!" The monkeys aren't smoking cigars yet! Why is the writer keeping it from us? WE WANT MONKEYS! Maybe in the next chapter of Star Trek: Voyager? 


	5. Chapter 5 Where Were You When They Were ...

I am sorry about the delay in posting this chapter. I had a few things come up in life. Imagine that.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Where Did Everybody Go?  
  
Tuvok exits on to the bridge, which is free of senior staff members.  
  
Tuvok: There is a hostile alien entity on this ship computer, please locate any non-crewmen signatures.  
  
Computer: Oh, please. I already told you about it.  
  
Tuvok: That must have been during my memory lapse. Please re-state your report.  
  
Computer: I don't feel like it.  
  
Tuvok: He must have already tampered with the computer, or its just being stubborn again.  
  
Computer: Why are you talking to yourself?  
  
Tuvok: I am not sure.  
  
Tuvok enters the turbolift  
  
Tuvok: Deck X  
  
Computer: This deck requires high level access  
  
Tuvok: Tuvok-gamma-alpha-delta-epsilon- 5200896t487029389876590234598vfgie8872239509  
  
Computer: How do you remember all of that?  
  
Tuvok: I don't, I just made it up  
  
Computer: Works for me  
  
The lift starts down to level X.  
  
Meanwhile, in the sickbay  
  
Doctor: LAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! BAAAAAAAAAA!!! GAAAAAAAAA-Bzzzrrrrr.  
  
???: MAN! You call that singing?!?  
  
Level X. The turbolift comes to halt, and Tuvok steps out.  
  
Tuvok: What a damp, dark place.  
  
???: Urrrggghhh!  
  
Tuvok: Could that be the nemesis?  
  
???: Tuvok? Is that you-AAGGGGGHHHHH!!!  
  
Tuvok: Identify yourself!  
  
Neelix: Its me! Neelix! I'm taking my daily. Um. Break.  
  
Tuvok: Ah! You can help me!  
  
Neelix: With what?  
  
Tuvok: Do you know. Barney?  
  
Neelix: Yes, he is wanted for child murder, and destroying my-  
  
Tuvok: Lets not mention that incident.  
  
Neelix: Ok then, what did you want to tell me about him?  
  
Tuvok: He is aboard this ship.  
  
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Tuvok: There is no need-  
  
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Tuvok: Please, there-  
  
Neelix: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Tuvok: You are no help  
  
He walk off, as Neelix runs back into the stall, screaming  
  
Tuvok: The monster would make his base of operations here, in his natural habitat.  
  
He walk over to a pipe, and smashes it with his fist. Brown liquid sprays on to the floor, along with fingernail clippings.  
  
Tuvok: Ah! Just as I suspected! The monster has been known to bite his fingernails!  
  
He walks along further until he comes to a crudely built stall at the end of the hallway.  
  
Tuvok: Hmmm. This seems like an attempt to hide something. This must be his lair.  
  
He opens the door, which falls off and crumbles to the ground, which is then eaten by an African Dust Eating Rhino, which then-  
  
Writer's Conscience: You can't possibly go on with this. It is a poor excuse for something funny, as nothing remotely funny happened within the past few lines.  
  
Writer: Readers like this! Its funny!  
  
Writer's Conscience: No its not!  
  
Writer: ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
Tuvok: Shall I continue?  
  
Writer: Yes, but do something funny.  
  
Tuvok: Very well.  
  
Tuvok takes his underwear, and gives himself a super wedgie  
  
Tuvok: - Squeaky voice - Is that good?  
  
Writer: Yes, thank you  
  
Tuvok: No p-p-problem!  
  
Tuvok enters the room, and finds a pure purple control room.  
  
Tuvok: I shall have to destroy this base. Without it, he will have no control over the ship.  
  
Tuvok goes over and presses the " Press this button to blow up this entire base in 10 seconds, so the user will not be able to take over the ship " button.  
  
Computer: Since 10 seconds would be boring, I will blow it up in 3  
  
Tuvok: Shoot!  
  
The consoles start to explode, which throws a red shirt high in the air.  
  
Tuvok: Where did you come from?  
  
Red Shirt: Flushed. Down. T-the. Toilet.  
  
Tuvok: Nasty!  
  
Tuvok dives out of the door as the film slows down. A classic diving from the explosion that would have killed you, but it didn't and you landed 500 feet from your diving place without a single singe.  
  
Tuvok: How did I do that?  
  
Writer: Well, you couldn't die! That would defeat the whole purpose of the hero winning in the end!  
  
Tuvok: Ah. Anyway, now that his base has been-  
  
Computer: Red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert, red alert-  
  
Tuvok: I get the idea.  
  
Computer: K  
  
Tuvok: Why would there be a red alert? The other crew is not smart enough to be aware of the presence of the intruder. So that could only mean. A poor defenseless alien ship with a magnifying glass!  
  
Tuvok races toward the turbolift, but is stopped by a large shadow, which knocks him off of his feet.  
  
Tuvok: Umph! Show yourself, attacker!  
  
???: How dare you destroy my lair!  
  
Tuvok: Barney!  
  
Barney: You will pay for your heroism! Ho-ho-ho-ho! Prepare to meet your doom!  
  
Tuvok: I think not.  
  
Tuvok shoots him with his phaser pistol.  
  
Barney: Acckkk! Why does that always get me?!?  
  
Barney falls down, but starts to glow white again.  
  
Tuvok: I have seen this tactic before.  
  
Tuvok shoots him again.  
  
Barney: Gaaaccckkk!  
  
The glow fades.  
  
Tuvok: You have been defeated, and the ship saved. You have failed.  
  
Barney: Bwa-ha-ha- urghp! Ha-ha-ha! I- I am not- the- one.  
  
Tuvok: Like in The Matrix?  
  
Barney: No. You fool. Not. The one-t-to take ovvvveeerrrrrrrrr.  
  
Tuvok: You mean, there is another?  
  
Barney lays silent.  
  
Tuvok: NOT MORE WORK!!! NOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Tuvok's screaming echos throughout the corridors, which are being monitored.  
  
???: He has defeated our first pawn, but we will still have the ship.  
  
???: I agree, we still have a very good chance for our evil plans to succeed.  
  
???: Yes! We will have Voyager!  
  
???: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  
  
Suddenly, a light turns on to in a dark room to reveal.  
  
MONKEYS SMOKING CIGARS!!!  
  
MSC1: Who turned the light on! You aren't supposed to know who we are until the last chapter!  
  
Janitor: Oops.  
  
MSC2: You idiot. You shall die!  
  
Monkey Smoking a Cigar 2 blasts the Janitor with a Solar Beam, incinerating him.  
  
MSC1: Where did you get that?  
  
MSC2: Oddish.  
  
MSC1: Ah.  
  
So, Monkeys Smoking Cigars are the villains behind this evil plot to take over Voyager! Will Tuvok figure out the plan? What happened to Neelix? Is he still in the stall? Has the alien ship been destroyed yet? Why doesn't this time traveling make since? All this to come in the next chapter! 


	6. Chapter 6 Nothing But Plot Advancment! B...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Last time, on Star Trek: Voyager.  
  
Suddenly, a light turns on to in a dark room to reveal.  
  
MONKEYS SMOKING CIGARS!!!  
  
MSC1: Who turned the light on! You aren't supposed to know who we are until the last chapter!  
  
Janitor: Oops.  
  
MSC2: You idiot. You shall die!  
  
Monkey Smoking a Cigar 2 blasts the Janitor with a Solar Beam, incinerating him.  
  
MSC1: Where did you get that?  
  
MSC2: Oddish.  
  
MSC1: Ah.  
  
In a level X corridor.  
  
Tuvok's screams are still echoing down the corridor.  
  
Neelix opens his stall door, having finally stopped screaming.  
  
Neelix: Mr. Vulcan? He must have what I have too! I am not alone!  
  
He sets out to find his friend.  
  
Cut back to Tuvok, who is on his hands and knees, staring at the floor drooling.  
  
Tuvok: * Slobber *  
  
Neelix runs up.  
  
Neelix: Mr. Vulcan! Mr. Vulcan! I heard you cry of anguish, and I believe I can help!  
  
Tuvok looks up, still drooling, and starting to foam at the mouth.  
  
Neelix: Uh, maybe this will cure that too.  
  
He hands him a mysterious pill.  
  
Tuvok: Thank you. Mr. Neelix.  
  
Neelix: You are most welcome, Mr. Vulcan! Anytime you need any help with your. Problem. No matter how difficult the situation, do not hesitate to-  
  
Tuvok: Wait. I believe there is some way you may help me.  
  
Neelix: So soon?  
  
We cut to a shot of another corridor, where Neelix is tip toeing toward a turbolift door.  
  
Neelix: Oh, I don't like this, I don't like this at all.  
  
Meanwhile, Tuvok has taken another turbolift ( Yes, level X is HUGE! ) up to the bridge.  
  
He emerges onto the bridge, where he finds the entire crew staring at the horror on the viewscreen.  
  
A ship is attempting to fry them with a giant magnifying glass.  
  
Harry: Captain, deck breach in progress of level X!  
  
Everyone: LEVEL X????  
  
Janeway: .. The toilet waste storage.  
  
Brownish-greenish gloop splashes out of Voyager and covers the other ship, causing it to instantly disintegrate. The mass then moves on, out of sight.  
  
Janeway: . Well, now we know that Tuvok had some laxatives in his medicine!  
  
Tuvok: I had nothing of the sort, now if you will excuse me, I will take my post.  
  
Tom: Tuvy! Where have you been, bro?  
  
Tuvok: Silence. I am still the chief of security. I can throw you in the brig if I want.  
  
Tom: I dare you to.  
  
Moments later, Tom finds himself in the brig.  
  
Tuvok: Now where was I? Oh, yes.  
  
He proceeds to punch a lot of buttons on one of the control panels at his station. What he is doing is anybody's guess.  
  
Tuvok: Ah! I have found you!  
  
Meanwhile, in a dark room.  
  
???: Well, I am glad that we were able to mask our identity once more, MSC2!  
  
???: Yes, brother. We may now commence our plan b!  
  
The sound of a button clicking is heard.  
  
???: Crewman! Launch the cloaked vessel toward Voyager!  
  
Crewman's Voice: Um.. Sir. We have a small problem.  
  
???: What is it?  
  
Crewman's Voice: They had burritos for lunch.  
  
???: WHAT?!?  
  
???: We shall have to resort to plan.. Uh. XY6346!!!  
  
???: I didn't know we had a plan XY6346..  
  
???: I just came up with it!  
  
???: Ah.  
  
Back on the Voyager bridge.  
  
Janeway: Well, I think that level X should receive a compliment for saving the ship from those evil alien invaders.  
  
Crew: Yes, Captain!  
  
They all rush off to their quarters, except for Tuvok, who is busy working away still.  
  
Tuvok: There you are, my precious. It won't be long now.  
  
Suddenly, the ship jolts, as if an invisible cloaked ship had somehow penetrated the shields, and latched on to the hull, where it was furiously boring away into an unfortunate crewman's quarters so it could take over the ship from the inside.  
  
Tuvok: Dagnabbit!  
  
A random red shirt's quarters.  
  
Red Shirt: Why must I be called a red shirt when I am only wearing a plain jumpsuit at the moment?  
  
Writer: Because, the readers must know that you are about to die, and it is easy to convey that when I name you are "red shirt" because they always die in a Star Trek episode.  
  
Red Shirt: You realize, that I will call in my lawyers if you lay on finger on-  
  
He is cut off ( Literally ) as a cutting beam makes its way across the room.  
  
Writer: This is what happens to those who threaten me.  
  
The cutting beam then slices through the writer's bag of chips and bottle of chocolate surup.  
  
Writer: You shall pay.  
  
He materializes into the quarters, and proceeds to charge up a huge golden ball of pure energy, which he shoots out at the starship attached to the hull.  
  
Writer: Oh, nuts. Now I'm in this story.  
  
On the bridge.  
  
Tuvok: Well, that rocking must be nothing to worry about, I must attend to my current project.  
  
In the dark room, a clicking sound is heard.  
  
???: Um. Sir? The Writer had entered to story, and he has destroyed our ship.  
  
???: Excellent. This is all going according to plan.  
  
???: And here I thought that you were being stupid.  
  
???: What was that?!?  
  
???: * Cough * Allergies * Cough *  
  
???: Ah. COMMENCING PHASE TWO!!!  
  
???: Aye, aye!  
  
Cut to the outside of the starship Voyager.  
  
A hole of pure green energy sparkles into existences behind Voyager, and grows larger in each passing second.  
  
It is finally big enough to swallow Voyager, and this it does, whirling it into an oblivion of strange glowing pockets of green balls, and a rushing of motion sickness.  
  
The crew hangs on for dear life, as Tuvok fumbles with his equipment. Trying to push one final button on his panel, which reads.  
  
" Modifications Complete, Pleases Press Enter To Continue "  
  
It is just out of his reach. 


	7. Chapter 7 The End Of The Beginning Or No...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!  
  
Last time, on Star Trek Voyager:  
  
In the dark room, a clicking sound is heard.  
  
???: Um. Sir? The Writer had entered to story, and he has destroyed our ship.  
  
???: Excellent. This is all going according to plan.  
  
???: And here I thought that you were being stupid.  
  
???: What was that?!?  
  
???: Cough Allergies Cough   
  
???: Ah. COMMENCING PHASE TWO!!!  
  
???: Aye, aye!  
  
Cut to the outside of the starship Voyager.  
  
A hole of pure green energy sparkles into existences behind Voyager, and grows larger in each passing second.  
  
It is finally big enough to swallow Voyager, and this it does, whirling it into an oblivion of strange glowing pockets of green balls, and a rushing of motion sickness.  
  
The crew hangs on for dear life, as Tuvok fumbles with his equipment. Trying to push one final button on his panel, which reads.  
  
" Modifications Complete, Pleases Press Enter To Continue "  
  
It is just out of his reach.  
  
The ship is sent down a whirling vortex of terror, spending 10 bucks per ride!  
  
Tuvok tried one last time to reach the button, and glances it with his finger as he is sucked down again...  
  
The ship's deflector glows white, and transmits a beam into a nearby nebula that no one could remember being there before... As this sorry excuse for a plot twist to end the story early, and get on with another project commenced, the nebula exploded, destroying the nearby cloaked chicken farming ship, and all other baddies in the area.  
  
The ship was still spinning though, but the ride eventually stopped, due to the automatic safeguards that were installed in it.  
  
The entire crew was saved.... Or were they?  
  
HALLWAY 2097054213466542  
  
Two monkeys smoking cigars where making their way down the hallway, pointing the loaded bananas at various doors and hatchways, attempting to get the upper hand on any security forces that may have detected their presence...  
  
Suddenly, a hinged door that no one could remember being there before, swung outwards into the hallway, knocking both on the monkeys out...  
  
The red shirt stepped out into the hallway, completely oblivious to the damage he had just caused... His shower was out, and he was creeping down the hallway in his boxers to use the public showers...  
  
On his way, he stepped on the monkeys, and strolled off the hallway, just to be disintegrated by the nearest plasma conduit rupture.  
  
Several hours later, another more observant red shirt found the monkeys, and locked them in the brig...  
  
This is the story of their escape, and the trouble that they caused... Well, actually... No... That is another story... Well, actually, I haven't written it yet, so it is just and idea... Of course, taking into account the language that people understand now, the previous comment would have been perfectly acceptable, but I found that removing all possible flaws minimizes flames...  
  
Of course, you could flame me there, but... Ah, I had better stop before this turns into another one of those long rants... You know those kind who- (Author is instantly de-materialized as he wanders into a teleporter)  
  
.........  
  
.........  
  
.........  
  
.........  
  
The end...  
  
Of the beginning...  
  
Well, technically not...  
  
Because...  
  
This is...  
  
The end...  
  
Of this story...  
  
So...  
  
Anyway...  
  
THE END 


End file.
